Such pressure.
Today I was asked "hey, whats your resolution this year"?
Always interesting to be asked a question in front of perfect strangers while trying to get a medication refilled so I replied with "wait".
His "miracle ear" had to loudly say "WEIGHT, you don't need to lose too much WEIGHT".
At this point everyone from the "dropping off line", to the "medication on sale isle", and the "bakery section were privy to my "conversation".
I turned my cart so I could face him and I said (calmly) "no, I said wait - as in you need to wait".
He said oh I "thought you said WEIGHT and I looked at your stomach and I said don't loose too much WEIGHT". I said "I head you as did half the people with 50 feet of us did as well.
As the blinking "status number" changed slowly overhead, I cross referenced my number, for the 100th time and went into the "rx ready line" YIPPEE.
The line wound and before I knew it the "WEIGHT" yell er was reading a magazine like People and talking to himself. I timed it that if the person in front got the teller to the left that I COULD get my medication without having to say anything else to the yeller. My plan was in action.
Arrival at the counter -rang up my item = asked if there was anything else? I look at the yeller who was still looking at the models in summer tanning outfits. I was seconds away from...escape. I handed the teller my card and then signed the ticket and turn to walk away....done. I took one step and heard "HEY" coming from the yeller followed by "Mr. Schrembs please return to the Pharmacy".
I was being "triangulated" on all sides. The Pharmacist had forgotten to give me my card back (THANKS as that would be a bummer if I had lost that) so I said thanks.
Mr. Yeller was back in my view and he said, with a weird look on his face, "out of these three models which one is the hottest". I told him that I was happily married, in love, so I wasn't the right person to ask. He protested so I realized I should walk fast and get out of there. Mr. Yeller turned the page and said "here they are is it number 1, 2 ,3" (with photos under the 1,2,3 caption). I didn't have time so I walked a little faster towards the auto-opened doors and he said "1, 2, or 3" loudly so many people were looking IN ADDITION to the others who were enjoying these exchanges so I put my right hand up and said "bye" and walked away. As I was given the "thank you for visiting Walmart today" I heard Mr. Yeller say Bye what is Bye to which the Walmart Greeter said that is when one persons likes men and women.
As I was about to put my key into the truck I nodded my head thing "first fat and now bi"...only in PUBLIC could these two "statements come out and be completely wrong yet those who heard it will....remember.
My resolution is to go to Walmart at different times of the day with 3 month supplies.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Valentines Day 2009 by Jeff Schrembs
2009, here we are in the "second month" and I find myself still using "2008". For some reason February is such a "different month" to being with. First you only have 28 days in this month then they throw in Presidents Day and Valentines Day and (historically) February can be "turning springlike" OR "freezing your derriere off".
Anyway I have a wonderful suggestion for those looking for unique "once in a lifetime gifts" to give their loves ones. For those who happen to have (and lucky you) "extra cash lying around" please feel free to just...get it to me. I will make it easy for you, I will have it picked up, I will say thanks, you will feel better and so will I so just...let me know.
For those of you married, and still in love, taking a "loved" photo - and getting it restored/blown up/enhanced and then framed is a wonderful gift. If you have old 8mm movies, or VHS, lying around step it up and transfer them to DVD. But, you can't stop there you have to add the flowers, dinner, and the card.
For those of you married, and not in love, I can't help you...sorry.
For those of you just being able to date (legally) I have only four letters for you but you will thank be throughout your life IF you abide by them (scroll down for the four letters):
W
A
I
T
Wait!
For those of you in College, or getting ready to go to College, FINISH your Education now more than ever. FINISH. FINISH by any means necessary. Study HARD, work HARD, keep your word, hold your head high and PUSH YOURSELF to greatness. God doesn't make "mistakes" so get your move on.
For any children/teenagers writing (in your handwriting) a card about why you love them so much, and what they do to make you laugh, and what they do that you like the most, is a GREAT gift.
For any Elvis Presley Fans checkout the EBay Store entitled ELVISCOLLECTORWORLDWIDE and/or www.ElvisCollector.info.
For adult children thinking about what to get their Parents, and aren't in a position to repay all the years of "roof over your head/food/loans/use of cars/cash/etc.", then BREAK DOWN and "knock out" three of four CHORES that your Parents aren't able to do (wash/detail their car, organize a room, help them with computer, around the house improvement, etc.). Ask...and ye shall find.
Well, that is enough input for now except that I wish ALL of Gods children a wonderful, healthy, beneficial, joyful, memorable, save, and peaceful Valentines Day...and 2009....and beyond. We owe it, to each other, to acknowledge that children/parents have REAL NEEDS (clothing, food, etc.) here in the US and around the World. Even if it is going thought storage boxes, for clothes, giving them to (example) Salvation Army will end up going to a person...in need.
Helping our fellow man, with respect/love/grace, is a wonderful thing indeed.
Diamonds, sparkles, and bling "catch the eye' BUT if you are looking to "catch the heart"...follow your heart as it will let you know the right thing to do...just....listen to your heart as it is the INTERNET to your Soul.
For those who "want to be romantic" but are "cash challenged" then find out what type of books they like OR what are their interests that they always wanted to pursue but haven't. Then go to the Public Library and check out a few books, perhaps a "do it yourself" for certain things you know about, AND see if they have a MOVIE section (all of the Libraries in our areas have a large selection of DVD which surprised me) and check out a movie appropriate to your....mood.
Taking the time to put together a UNIQUE PHOTO, combined with a handwritten letter of love/thoughts/dreams/memories, is ALWAYS a hit.
Take care and God bless.
Jeffrey Schrembs
Anyway I have a wonderful suggestion for those looking for unique "once in a lifetime gifts" to give their loves ones. For those who happen to have (and lucky you) "extra cash lying around" please feel free to just...get it to me. I will make it easy for you, I will have it picked up, I will say thanks, you will feel better and so will I so just...let me know.
For those of you married, and still in love, taking a "loved" photo - and getting it restored/blown up/enhanced and then framed is a wonderful gift. If you have old 8mm movies, or VHS, lying around step it up and transfer them to DVD. But, you can't stop there you have to add the flowers, dinner, and the card.
For those of you married, and not in love, I can't help you...sorry.
For those of you just being able to date (legally) I have only four letters for you but you will thank be throughout your life IF you abide by them (scroll down for the four letters):
W
A
I
T
Wait!
For those of you in College, or getting ready to go to College, FINISH your Education now more than ever. FINISH. FINISH by any means necessary. Study HARD, work HARD, keep your word, hold your head high and PUSH YOURSELF to greatness. God doesn't make "mistakes" so get your move on.
For any children/teenagers writing (in your handwriting) a card about why you love them so much, and what they do to make you laugh, and what they do that you like the most, is a GREAT gift.
For any Elvis Presley Fans checkout the EBay Store entitled ELVISCOLLECTORWORLDWIDE and/or www.ElvisCollector.info.
For adult children thinking about what to get their Parents, and aren't in a position to repay all the years of "roof over your head/food/loans/use of cars/cash/etc.", then BREAK DOWN and "knock out" three of four CHORES that your Parents aren't able to do (wash/detail their car, organize a room, help them with computer, around the house improvement, etc.). Ask...and ye shall find.
Well, that is enough input for now except that I wish ALL of Gods children a wonderful, healthy, beneficial, joyful, memorable, save, and peaceful Valentines Day...and 2009....and beyond. We owe it, to each other, to acknowledge that children/parents have REAL NEEDS (clothing, food, etc.) here in the US and around the World. Even if it is going thought storage boxes, for clothes, giving them to (example) Salvation Army will end up going to a person...in need.
Helping our fellow man, with respect/love/grace, is a wonderful thing indeed.
Diamonds, sparkles, and bling "catch the eye' BUT if you are looking to "catch the heart"...follow your heart as it will let you know the right thing to do...just....listen to your heart as it is the INTERNET to your Soul.
For those who "want to be romantic" but are "cash challenged" then find out what type of books they like OR what are their interests that they always wanted to pursue but haven't. Then go to the Public Library and check out a few books, perhaps a "do it yourself" for certain things you know about, AND see if they have a MOVIE section (all of the Libraries in our areas have a large selection of DVD which surprised me) and check out a movie appropriate to your....mood.
Taking the time to put together a UNIQUE PHOTO, combined with a handwritten letter of love/thoughts/dreams/memories, is ALWAYS a hit.
Take care and God bless.
Jeffrey Schrembs
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